journal entry #8 - hi ho hi ho--it's off to work i go!

Tuesday April 6, 2010 9:00 pm JST

I am starting to feel like the boy who cried wolf, but seriously this time, I think tomorrow is the day the ball is finally going to get rolling here in Sendai. Unless something drastic happens (which my Japanese track record shows is actually quite likely), tomorrow will be my first day as an English Instructor in Miyagi First High School. Deep breath in…hold…and exhale. Here we go. :-)

I would say that tomorrow is the day that my journey here really begins, but I’ve definitely decided that my journey’s beginning has nothing to do with the start date of my official employment. I feel like my life had been leading to this point long before I even decided to come to Japan; it has all been one, intertwined and incredible experience that has made me who I am. Even though I haven’t begun what I came here to do professionally, my adventure really began a long time ago...and really, I’d say that the past couple of weeks have been pretty adventurous. ;-)

I am still crashing a storage room in Sendai, but it really has been an incredible experience. I don’t know how pessimists do it—I can’t imagine trying to focus on everything that goes wrong all the time; it’d be exhausting. I'm having a lot more fun looking at what unique opportunities my challenges are providing for me and honestly, I’m having a blast here. I am staying with the Hosoi family and they are kind, warm, and loving people. Hosoisan (adding “san” to the end of the name is the Japanese version of Mr. or Mrs.) is a wonderful woman and an excellent cook. I haven’t had a chance to be hungry yet! I am definitely going to need to start taking notes on how to cook Japanese food because it is amazing, and usually much healthier than most American-style cooking. The fact that I can’t read any labels on goods in the grocery store may be a problem though...!

I was hoping to be settled into my apartment by now, but my manager called Hosoisan the day after I got to Sendai and told her that the company wasn’t having any luck in their apartment-search for me. At this point, I really began evaluating the level of my confidence in my employer—ha ha. Thankfully, Hosoisan offered to take me apartment-hunting over the weekend! We found a couple apartments, but real estate is absolutely unreal out here and none of the options were very realistic. She has told me a few times that she would love me to stay with her in her home, but I don’t know if that is a feasible option either.

Hosoisan and her husband have three darling children: Takashi (15), Rinako (11), and Mirika (3). Also, Hosoisan has converted two rooms in her house into classrooms, where students and teachers come in the evenings as a cheaper alternative to standard private tutoring sessions rampant throughout Japan called “Juku,” or “cram school.” Juku is very expensive and so only the wealthy families can afford to send their children to the evening cram sessions of extra lessons and homework to strengthen academic performance. Needless to say, this house is very, very busy all the time and it can get pretty chaotic (hmm, sounds like my house in Bountiful :-D), but it’s a lot of fun and it’s definitely giving me a front-row seat in observing/experiencing Japanese culture.

The only downside is that I don’t have any place to call my own, so I constantly feel like a bit of a burden. Hosoisan has never implied that I am getting in the way and she has been absolutely wonderful to me, but I feel like a mooch every time I want to shower, use the Internet, or eat. If I stayed here, she would have to empty one of the classrooms and set up a space for me, so I would really be putting her out of a room in her home. Plus, she and her family share one bathroom and I don’t want to get in the way as the six of us crowd around in the mornings to get ready for work and school. Another concern I have is that her husband is very traditional-Japanese and I don’t think he is completely comfortable with a foreigner staying in his home. He has been kind to me and even mentioned to me that I could stay with them, but I wonder if I would quickly wear out my welcome. I love having such an intimate view of Japanese life and I wanted to be close to the people here…I just wonder if actually moving into Hosoisan’s home would be a little too close.

I know it will all come together soon and I’m not going to waste my night worrying about it. Tomorrow is going to be an incredible day and I want that to be my focus right now. I will concentrate on housing this weekend—right now it’s time to forget myself and go to WORK!

journal entry #7 - april fool's is only funny when you're actually joking

Thursday April 1, 2010 6:00 pm JST

Just kidding! Wow. How ironic that today is April Fool’s Day. Ha ha I just had one more curve ball thrown my way! So, it turns out that I am in Sendai (as planned). However, in the company’s rushed efforts to find me housing on the other side of the country than they originally anticipated, they apparently forgot to take into account the distance between where I would live and where I would work. They realized late last night that my apartment in Sendai was several hours from where I would be teaching (as I have no car in Japan)...luckily for me, they decided to find me another apartment. I remained completely incognizant of all of this until I stood talking with my manager at the subway station this morning, ready to board my train from Tokyo to Sendai. Unfortunately, I posted my suitcases from the hotel last night to arrive at the apartment address I had been given earlier, so now I’m unsure when or where I’ll get them.

In the meantime, I am going to be staying with a friend of a friend from the company...ha ha I can’t believe I’m saying this on April Fool’s Day and yet I’m completely serious. I am sitting on the floor of a storage room in the home of a random family that I’ve never met or spoken with before in my life. I will be here for up to another week while my company tries to secure me a new apartment! I start teaching next week, so it is quite possible that I won’t have a place to live before I am actually working in my schools. Awesome! :-/

I know I said that everything would work out and that I was comfortable adapting to “plan changes,” but wow, seriously? All I can do is laugh at the irony. In all honesty, my only real concern is that I start teaching next week...and I do not even have a place to live...by now I was hoping to be unpacked, settled in, and writing lesson plans for my classes. I know it will all be ok. I know that this is, in reality, a blessing because I will be living closer to the school than if I had moved in today—I’m truly not upset about that at all; I feel blessed by it. Rather, I am simply anxious to get started and I do not want these complications to interfere with my professionalism and competency at work. I hope details get sorted quickly because poor organization on my company’s end will only result in a poor first impression of me to the teachers, students, and Boards of Education. I would love to be able to wash my clothes and press my suits before I show up in them at work! Hopefully, my luggage can get redirected here within the next couple of days because I doubt that strolling into school while wearing Brad’s hoodie and my lounge pants will help with that whole first-impression thing...

Fortunately, I am constantly reminding myself to breathe and relax. :-) I am stepping completely outside my organized, detail-oriented, and sometimes (ok maybe often...or constant?) OCD-like comfort zone and taking everything as it comes. I am quickly learning that although it is wise to be prepared, it is better to be flexible. Nothing can go the way we think we want it to all the time...I say “think” because I definitely believe that things work out how they are supposed to – and that as long as we are open to the changes and seeking the blessings that follow, we will never regret a single experience in our lives.

I am committed to embracing this bump in my road. I have a rare opportunity to intimately participate in Japanese culture for the next week and I am going to make the most of it. No one in the family speaks much English and I can’t speak a sentence of Japanese...so either way it’s going to be entertaining. Well, at least I can say my time in Japan has not been dull! I have many tender emotions and constant pricks of fear that I’m trying to suppress in my heart at this moment, but I am going to get off my computer and head downstairs to make my first attempts at overcoming some overwhelming culture and language barriers—wish me luck!

japan vs. america! round #1

March 30, 2010

I am fascinated by everything I see and I am amazed over and over by the people here. Everyone I have interacted with has been gracious and kind, even if completely confused by my questions and ignorance. The Japanese women are beautiful...many of the young girls in Tokyo look like dolls. I see many young women that have tried lightening their hair as much as possible so that it has become a light brown color and they wear it styled in long, ornate curls, with large bows and headbands. They wear layers of lacey, feminine tops and dresses with leggings or nylons, and 4- to 5-inch heels. Their make-up is immaculate, with long, false eyelashes, baby-pink blush, glossed lips, and perfectly polished nails. This doll-like appearance is everywhere...I see soft pinks and feminine shades all around me and bow-shaped accessories adorn bags, coats, shoes, and jewelry.

Also, everyone is constantly on a cell phone, but only to text-message. It’s funny to see men and women of all ages text-messaging in the subways, but it is because cell phones are so expensive here that nobody uses their minutes if they can spare them. Also, it is a huge cultural faux pas to talk on one’s cell phone while on the bus, subway, etc. because Japanese people feel that it is an extremely rude interruption to everyone else. Text-messaging is more acceptable because it can be done in silence. It makes me smile to imagine my parents or their neighbors sitting on subways, text-messaging their friends.

I guess it’s natural to subconsciously compare my new surroundings to those from home or automatically take note of the differences, but I’ve had several people “warn” me not to become too obsessed with the culture/area here that I am dissatisfied with everything in America (specifically, Brad :-D). On the other hand, I have had people tell me that going abroad will make me appreciate even more all that I am blessed with in my home country as though nothing could ever be better anywhere else than it is in the United States...(How appropriately “American” to think so). Well, I think I will experience a little bit of both. I cannot speak for the rest of my time in Japan, but I have definitely noticed some things that I like better in Japan and some things I miss from back home.

First, the sushi is definitely better here...go figure. I realize that sushi is always “fresh,” but it tastes so much fresher here and the flavor is incredible. Also, the wasabi is completely different! It is much stronger here (many American restaurants served a wasabi-like paste rather than legitimate wasabi). I mistakenly added my usual amount of wasabi to a sushi dish and ate a piece...I thought my nose was going to burn clear through!! Ha ha still, it was delicious and I quickly learned my lesson. ;-)

Also, I may surprise some people by saying that the toilets here are amazing. Everyone warned me about the “floor urinals” in Japan and I will say that I laughed out right when I walked into a bathroom at the Airport and found myself looking at a porcelain hole in the ground. These are NOT the toilets to which I am referring as favorable. Most hotels, restaurants, and shops here have western-style toilets in additional to the traditional ones. In my room at the Narita View Hotel, the toilets could have had their own remote controls. The seat was heated and could play music, in addition to several self-cleaning options. Also, right in line with the conservative nature of the Japanese culture, the toilets had censors so that once you sat on them, water would run down the basin to mask any sound of you actually going to the bathroom—for all the shy people out there who hate using the bathroom when there are people within “hearing range.”

Strangely, I definitely miss the convenience of garbage cans in America. I can honestly say that I had never considered this convenience before I moved to Japan, but there are seriously no garbage cans along the streets or anything to toss trash. The Japanese have a complex garbage system that requires all items to be sorted into several categories before being thrown away. I could spend an entire blog post trying to explain the different rules and regulations of waste disposal (maybe another time), but ultimately, it’s enough to make me want to hide all my trash in a hole for a year and then sneak it into a dumpster somewhere on my way to the airport next Spring. Also, all recyclables must be tied and sorted before thrown into their corresponding bins. Wastebaskets in most of the hotels and restaurants are tiny and sometimes non-existent...who knew?

I was also surprised to learn that smoking is allowed virtually everywhere that I’ve been in Japan. I giggled a little to myself in the hotel foyer today when a young couple checked in and asked for a non-smoking room. I have only been here a week, but I have already learned that there are no such luxuries. However, there is a kind little reminder on my headboard requesting that I not smoke IN the bed... for safety reasons, of course. Other establishments ask customers to only smoke in their rooms (because this makes SO much more sense). Cigarette smoke lingers subtly in the air and especially indoors. I can definitely say without reservation that I miss Utah smoking regulations...I’m sorry for not being more considerate of a person’s choice of whether or not to smoke in public, but I much prefer the air around me to be free of this pungent and poisonous odor. I was amazed at first to walk around Japan and still see so many people wearing flu masks everywhere they go (seriously, people wear them ALL the time it's crazy)...I had thought for some reason that people stopped wearing these after bird-flu and mad-cow disease fears deteriorated...however, with so many people smoking all over the place, it may actually be a wise investment. I’ll look into it. :-D

journal entry #6 - ta ta for now, tokyo

11:00 pm on Wednesday March 30, 2010

Tonight is my last night in Tokyo and I’ve been enjoying my evening with a long soak in a hot bath, while eating ice cream and listening to Bob Marley. I treated myself to one more overpriced cup of Starbucks cocoa today, too (in honor of Tauna, Tokyo, and the goodness of chocolate!). It doesn’t get much better than this. :-D

In the morning, I move to Sendai, where I will be without Internet for at least 24 hours...wow. Here we go! It’s still kind of surreal to me that I am really in Japan. I can’t believe I’ve been here for over a week now and yet I feel like I haven’t really even gotten started—I feel like tomorrow my experience in Japan really begins because tomorrow is when I move into my apartment in the city where I’ll be living for the next year...tomorrow I settle into my new home.

I’m really excited to get situated, but I’m terrified that I’m going to freeze to death there. I heard someone joke that in Sendai they put their toothpaste in the fridge at night to keep it from freezing...!!! I do not see how this is funny...(ok, it is kind of funny, but not comforting AT ALL) I barely make it through Utah winters and that’s with ridiculous amounts of blasting heat and lots of layers...Because I thought I was going to live somewhere with a milder climate, I hardly packed any warm clothing at all--sweaters and coats took up too much room and were too heavy, so I really only packed a couple of warm things. Nicely done, Karianne.

Also, I am going to miss Tokyo. There are over 12 million people in this city and it is absolutely chaotic at all times...but it is invigorating and exciting to walk up and down the little streets and experience an incredible taste of the Japanese culture. The subways here are more complex than anywhere I could have imagined and I’ve heard they are actually the most complicated in the world. All I know is that I have gotten very lost in my attempts to navigate the underground transportation system and I have had several native Japanese residents tell me that they still get lost on the trains, even after having lived here for years. Still, just stepping out of my hotel feels like an adventure and every time I do, I am filled with child-like curiosity and excitement toward everything around me. I guess my adventure in Tokyo is drawing to a close, but I'm eager to get started in Sendai. Ok, Sendai: Ready or not, here I come!

journal entry #5 - marley and me...and starbucks

11:30 am on Saturday March 27, 2010

I am sitting in a Starbucks in Tokyo, Japan with a grande hot cocoa, my journal, and Tyla’s pen. I dropped off my backpack and suitcase at the Asakusa Central Hotel, where I’ll be staying until Wednesday, but I can’t check in until 3:00 this afternoon. I am freezing cold and very tired, so I don’t even mind that I just paid over $5 for cocoa. I have spent all morning shuffling around subways and train stations and watching coworkers head on their ways to their new homes. I am “homeless” right now but I have peace in my heart and God on my side. All will surely be well.

I don’t understand why I’m SO cold. This city cannot be much colder than Utah, but the air is humid and it seems to penetrate every layer of skin and bone on my body. I feel very blessed to have found a Starbucks right across the street from my hotel though. Plus, Tauna used to work at Starbucks. I think I will smile every time I see one of these coffee shops for the rest of my life as they remind me of that vivacious and wonderful girl. Also, Tauna’s boyfriend is from Jamaica and she said that he always sings “Three Little Birds” by Bob Marley to her...Tyla and I probably played that song a dozen times this week at the hotel and last night before I received my blessing I bought it off iTunes and played it over and over to comfort me that “every little thing is gonna be all right.” Bob Marley just played over the sound system here in Starbucks...This life is full of small and precious miracles.

I have truly experienced every single emotion possible in the past week and I even reached a point of fear and anxiety and culture shock that I seriously considered packing my bags to come home. What’s interesting is that this whole week I’ve had a plan...I’ve “known” where I was going and when and what would be happening to me. Now, I have no idea how things are going to come together and although I’ve been told I will be teaching in a city called Sendai, I know nothing about it, I don’t have an apartment set up, and I don’t have any details about what is going to happen or when. Still, this is the most peaceful I have felt since I made the decision to leave America.

The bottom line is that the restored gospel is true and that God loves me regardless of where I am in the world...with this knowledge I really have nothing to fear. I really started getting scared when I realized how much control I DON'T have over anything around me and how much I am going to have to rely on everyone else...especially my sweet and loving Heavenly Father...it's a good thing He's there for me, huh? At first I was frustrated and fearful to have my “plans” fall apart (Oh, Kari of little faith) but I am already realizing that this life isn’t going by my plan anyway—and thank goodness for that. I am very lucky that the one writing the plan for my life is the one that has seen the end of the story. I don’t know what’s going to happen or why, but I know that I don’t need to know those things as long as I trust in and follow the one that DOES know.

Although I have much to learn and much more room to grow, I do know this: I am in the Lord’s hands and geography has nothing to do with it. I am a child of God and He loves me no matter where. I have no reason to feel anything but love and gratitude in my heart and I know that the details will work themselves out. I feel the love of my friends and family from back home and even though I know there will be countless long days and hard, lonely nights ahead, I am going to try really hard to remember that I am never actually alone.

journal entry #4 - change of plans

Monday March 22 - Friday March 25th at Narita View Hotel

I spent the next several days sitting through orientation and training classes, fighting incredible homesickness and anxiety, adjusting to schedule and time changes, and trying to kick my jet-lag. On Friday afternoon, all new employees were supposed to receive our housing contracts and finalize all the paperwork for our placements before we moved out at 6:00 am the next morning to get set up in our new cities. Although I was sad to think about moving away from Tyla, Tauna, and Sarah, I was getting really excited to see Niigata and get settled into Japan. I think the events of last Friday would be best summarized through a note that I sent my mom on Facebook that night. This was my message:

Mom. The church is true.

I cannot even begin to relate to you the events of today. It has been the most emotional day for me since I arrived in Japan. I started off my day so well with talking to you on Facebook. Tonee and Brad were also online and I can't think of three people I would have rather talked to this morning than you three. It was a great way to begin my day.

However, at orientation we split into groups and I was separated from my friends. I was anxious. Then, I started practice-teaching and I was so nervous...but when I stood in front of everyone to start giving my lesson, it felt natural somehow. After a few hours, I felt peace from the Lord that somehow I would be ok in my classrooms.

I don't know how I will teach because I don't have my lesson plans and it is unlikely that the schools will provide many/any supplies. Still, I think I'll adjust somehow and over time I will grow to love teaching. I think high school is going to be a wonderful challenge for me. I'll have to prepare a lot of detailed lessons and it will be more involved than with younger ages, but I think the connections to English will be stronger and I know that I will still fall in love with the students...even if they aren't cute, little children.

Lunch was nice...but on my way back to orientation I was stopped by one of my managers. He told me that my school canceled their contract with the company and that I would no longer be in Niigata. He said he wasn't sure where I'd go, but that he would let me know as soon as possible. Then, I went to a room where everyone was filling out their paperwork for housing, getting schedules for their schools, etc. I waited there for over three hours but heard nothing. I was panicking. The three girls I met and became super close with are going within hours of me--also right along the west coast. Also, I met and got to know a few people going to Niigata as well. I was so excited to go! Suddenly, it was all gone and I didn't understand why. I felt angry and anxious and scared and emotional. Two other people were displaced. One guy decided to quit the company at that point and travel the world for a few months instead. Then he is going home to the UK. Another girl burst into tears. I just sat and waited for almost four hours.

Then, they told me that they still didn't know where I was going to go, but that I would probably be in northeast Japan. They said to start packing up my things, but that I might have to stay in the hotel for another week or so until they sort it out. I was told that I would find out at 6 am tomorrow where I am to go. This was not comforting. However, I came back up to my room and got on Facebook and Tonee was online! She called me on Skype and we talked for over two hours. It was soooooo good to talk, laugh, and cry with her. I know that God knew how much I needed my best friend at that moment and I didn’t think there would be a chance that she would be online when I got up to my room; yet there she was.

Remember when I broke down with you a couple days ago and you told me to pray? I did, but I kept getting the distinct impression that I needed a priesthood blessing. However, I don't know ANYONE here and wasn't sure how that was possible. Still, I didn’t doubt the prompting and I became determined to follow it somehow. Today I heard about a boy from Utah and I spent about an hour this afternoon searching for him in hopes that he might be LDS and that he could give me a blessing.

No luck. I couldn't ever find him. I started getting discouraged, but came back to my room.

Then, my boss called me and told me to come downstairs to get some information. It turns out that I will be going to a prefecture called Miyagi--which is on the completely opposite side of Japan than Niigata. I will leave this hotel at 6am with everyone tomorrow, but then I will go to another hotel in Tokyo and stay there until March 31st. From there, I will go to Miyagi and start teaching the next week. I don't know my school yet, but I will still be in a high school I guess, so we'll see how this all turns out.

I started feeling a lot more calm about this whole mess even though nothing was working out...and I never found an LDS person. I came back to my room and my boss stopped by a couple minutes later to hand me information about shipping my luggage to my new address once I get it. In passing, he mentioned that I could ask another Japanese man from the company about my placement if I had questions because he likes speaking English and said something about a mission (my boss is not LDS and didn't seem to really understand what a mission is). I immediately grabbed my shoes and ran back downstairs to find him.

I walked up to him and started talking in English. I asked him how he knew English and he mentioned that he served a mission in California. HE IS LDS, MOM. I almost started to cry. I asked him if he would give me a blessing. He said of course and pulled out his vial of anointed oil. He pointed to another Japanese man in the foyer and said the other man was also LDS and that they would come to my room in a few minutes. The second man said he is the one who saw my resume when I applied to the company and that I really stood out to him for some reason.

They came to my room about 10 minutes later and we talked a little about my fears and the church and everything. The second man gave me the first part of the blessing Japanese and the first man gave me the rest of the blessing in English. Mom, it was incredible. I have NO idea what's going on with my placement and I was terrified all day long. I don't even care right now because I know it'll be fine. I'm not even worried and I cannot express to you the sweetness of the Spirit that filled my heart during my blessing.

As they were leaving, the second man told me again that he saw my interview (they recorded our interviews in America and sent them to Japan for review). It was as though he felt then that he would be watching over me. They said they will find all my information for me about my ward and bishop when I move to my new city and everything and that they will help me find a church on this next Sunday. The second man told me that when they found out that they needed to move some teachers out of Niigata, I was the first person that came to his mind and HE is the one that suggested that I move towns (which is weird considering at this point we had never even met). I trust him, Mom. I think he was inspired by the Holy Spirit to suggest my name. I don't understand why yet, but I think when I get to wherever I'm going, I'll understand why I'm not supposed to be in Niigata.

This gospel is true! The priesthood is real. I feel the Lord with me and I know that everything will be ok. I love you so much and I will send you updates as soon as I receive them.

Love always,
Karianne

**Note: The man in picture at the top of this post is Dan Harazoe--the man I first approached in the foyer and the one that administered my blessing. :-)**

journal entry #3 - safe in his arms

Arrived at Tokyo Narita Airport (NRT) at 4:50 pm JST on Monday March 22nd, 2010

Where did Monday go? I left early on Sunday morning and arrived at my destination 18 hours later…but suddenly it’s Monday evening? Awesome. I live in the future!

I stepped off the plane and into the Tokyo Narita Airport...walking away from the last piece of familiarity and into a world where everything felt foreign—but knowing that the only real foreign thing there was me. I had no idea where to go or what to do and I quickly realized that when my company said there would be somebody greeting me off the plane what they MEANT to say was that I would need to navigate immigration, customs, and baggage claim alone and they would have someone waiting by the shuttle to take me to my hotel.

Good thing I’m fluent in Japanese! Oh yeah…at this point I can (poorly) say “Arigato Gozaimasu,” “Ohayo,” and “Sayonara.” None of these phrases mean, “Where do I go from here” or “What on earth am I supposed to do now?” I don’t even know how to say, “I don’t speak Japanese,” but I think they all figured that out pretty soon as I walked up to everyone speaking English and looked very lost when they replied in Japanese…yeah, I’m pretty sure my blank stare was as effective as “I don’t speak Japanese.” I looked around me and followed what everyone else was doing, giving my passport to everyone and bowing a lot as an apologetic gesture for having no idea what was going on around me. Everyone was kind and patient though and I somehow managed to wander through to the baggage claim. I quickly became happy with my decision to purchase “distinctive” luggage as I watched the swarms of navy blue and black cases pass over and over and people studying each piece to determine whether or not it was their bag. I can definitely say that not knowing which suitcases were mine was never an issue.

There, I met Tauna Pile. As I started loading my zebra-print suitcases onto a luggage cart, I noticed a girl next to me also piling on two suitcases and carry-on. My first thought involved wondering how many shoes she was able to shove in there and my second thought was that perhaps she was moving here to work as well. We began talking and I learned that she was from Portland, Oregon and had just been hired by my company as me to teach in a city called Toyama—just south of my city, Niigata. We quickly became friends and even though we still weren’t sure where we were going or how to find out which way to go, I instantly felt calmer just knowing that I was not alone. We eventually found the gentleman waiting to take us to our hotel and boarded the hotel shuttle. There, we checked in and went up to our rooms, which happened to be on the same floor and only one door apart from each other…God is amazing, isn’t He?

When I sat down my bags and lay on my bed, I felt an overwhelming rush of emotion and couldn’t keep myself from crying again. Tauna came in and sat on the bed next to me. She played a song called “Safe” by Phil Wickham and reminded me that I was in God’s hands and that everything would be ok. The first verse’s poignant relevance to the feelings in my heart struck me immediately and as I continued to listen, I knew the words were real—that they spoke of truth, and that all would be well. The song begins:

To the one whose dreams are falling all apart / And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart / I can tell by your eyes you think you’re on your own / But you're not alone

The chorus penetrated my heart as I was reminded of this assurance—God had not abandoned me; He had not forgotten me…and He was still watching over me…even in Japan.

Chorus: You will be safe in His arms / You will be safe in His arms / 'Cause the hands that hold the world / Are holding your heart / This is the promise He made / He will be with you always / When everything is falling apart / You will be safe in His arms

Where would I have been without this amazing girl? Later that night, my Canadian roommate Tyla Wilson came into the hotel, as well as Tauna’s roommate Sarah, from England. Although I only spent a few days with these girls, I hope we stay in contact with each other for the rest of our lives…I don’t know what I would have done during my transition to Japan without them and they will always be dear to my heart. They are beautiful, intelligent, loving, and inspiring women. I am so blessed!

journal entry #2 - on my way and fast asleep

Boarded LAX at 1:00 pm PDT on Sunday, March 21st, 2010

Dear Cold & Sinus Medicine: You rock. Thank you for your sleep-inducing side effects. Let's be friends forever, ok? Sincerely, Kari :-)

Luckily (and thanks to the medicine shoved in my bag by my momma), I was able to sleep through most of the plane ride. The Japan Airlines plane was HUGE, and much, much more comfortable than my Delta ride into LAX. I was touched by the lovely and gracious stewardesses as well. They spoke softly and bowed at each guest and I found myself already admiring Asian women for their grace…I’m not very well known for being soft-spoken or graceful so I was humbled by their gentleness. There were also two Japanese children on the plane and I couldn’t stop looking over at them! They were absolutely beautiful and again, I was moved by observing the sweet and quiet attention given to them by their mothers throughout the flight.

The food was delicious as well. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until the stewardesses began walking through the aisles with our dinners and I received a plate of teriyaki chicken, rice, fruit, and vegetables. Later in the flight, we were served pasta with more fruits and veggies and warm towels periodically to wipe our hands and faces. My full stomach helped a bit with the nausea, but I was still feeling very dizzy and congested and took some more medicine that led me to doze off for another few hours.

It was after I woke up this time that I realized that my pen was broken—as I clicked it to begin writing in my journal, half the pen sprang across my seat and almost hit another passenger…way to make a good impression, Karianne. My first thought was, “Where is Tyler when I need him?” My brother Tyler fixes everything with MacGyver-like ability; it’s incredible. Unfortunately, I am not so resourceful and put my pen back into my bag after several unsuccessful attempts to fix it. I resolved instead to begin sewing a square for Tonee’s wedding quilt but soon realized I had no scissors to cut the thread. I then tried reading a bit, but couldn’t concentrate with my headache and was still feeling some motion-sickness…so I curled back up against my window with my coat and Bradford’s hoodie wrapped into pillow-like form and drifted back off to sleep…the one option that hadn’t failed me yet. :-)

journal entry #1 - leaving america

Left Bountiful, UT at 7:15 am MDT on Sunday, March 21, 2010

My last week in America was a complete blur. I finished up work on Monday and had booked myself out Tuesday through Saturday with friends and family for final good-byes before I left—which literally spanned from breakfast dates to post-dessert get-togethers…I was very full by Saturday. :-) Unfortunately, all of my escapades, combined with a mystery illness I’ve been unable to kick since the end of October, led me to complete exhaustion and very poor health by Friday night. I ended up in InstaCare that evening, missing a get-together with dear friends from Westminster College.

All of my doctors so far have suggested that I may have a sinus infection and have written me similar prescriptions of antibiotics and nasal sprays. Three doctors, two specialists, seven prescriptions, countless dollars, dozens of tests, and over five months later, I had seen little-to-no progress in my health and was definitely losing faith in the medical industry. However, I was in enough pain by Friday that I decided to give them ONE last shot. This time, the InstaCare doctor suggested that my condition may be allergy-related, due to something in my environment irritating my sinuses and potentially causing my incredible earaches, headaches, sinus pressure, dizziness, and nausea. I stopped by Walgreens for the generic version of my prescription that still cost a cool $270 dollars (I decided to only fill half the prescription).

By Saturday morning, I was beginning to feel human again and got started packing my luggage and saying a few final good-byes with friends and family. Did you know that for an international flight to Japan you are allowed two suitcases and a carry-on? TWO suitcases and a carry-on…seriously? Each bag has to be under 50 pounds? Who came up with this stuff? I mean, it isn’t like I was trying to pack what I needed for A YEAR or anything…

I spent the entire day and night packing, sorting, re-packing, and re-sorting as I quickly learned how difficult it is to fit my life into a few very cute, zebra-striped bags. Pack less shoes…roll everything—you fit more than by folding it…wear your heaviest coat onto the plane so you don’t have to pack it…you mean I can’t fit these shoes either?...don’t forget shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste—No, not in the carry-on, they’ll toss it. How much more is it to check in a third bag? One-hundred and fifty dollars? So, you’re telling me I can’t take these shoes either? Awesome.

I finally zipped up my bags and set them in the hallway around 6:00 Sunday morning…I told my brother, Ryan to be at my house by 7:00 so we could get to the airport. At this point, I was completely exhausted…and the fact that I hadn’t gone to bed since Friday wasn’t really an issue…I was emotionally drained. Too many good-byes with too many loved-ones and now it was all starting to hit me. As I started hauling off my last bag and put my laptop into my backpack, I looked over at Bradford, who had drifted off to sleep after staying up with me all night as I packed and visited with friends. You know that feeling when your mom used to wake you up for school and you begged for just five more minutes in your warm, safe bed before you had to throw off your sheets and jump into the cold morning air? Do you remember how precious those five minutes seemed to you, even if you knew that realistically it wouldn’t matter because you HAD to get up anyway?

That’s how I felt when I saw him sleeping there… and I curled up next to him for my just-five-more-minutes… Still, I knew had wipe my eyes and get out of bed…I had to get ready to go and get out the door. Then, I started thinking about my best friend's wedding that I am going to miss, the birth of my dear friend’s baby that may happen any day now. I thought of my baby brother returning home from his mission in a month and a half and the fact that it would be another year before I could hug him…at this moment I saw my mom walking down the stairs and I almost collapsed into her arms, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop crying if I let myself start again now.

Ryan pulled up and he and Brad hauled my bags into the car as my mom frantically and sweetly grabbed last minute medicine for me to take “every few hours” to help with the sinus pressure and pain on the plane ride. It was just minutes before I was on my way out of America and she was still making sure I was taken care of…amazing. After too-quick goodbyes to my parents, I went running into the car, ready to go… wait! I forgot my flat iron! Back in the house and then back into the car in under 15 seconds and we were on our way…

I breezed through check-in with one bag weighing about 42 pounds and the other squeezing in at 49…yup…49 (with shoes!). I was so sidetracked as we approached security that I didn’t even realize the significance of where we were until Ryan said, “Well I guess this is it.” I looked at him and even though I knew this is where we had to say good-bye, I asked, “Is this where we have to say good-bye?” I couldn’t hold it in any longer and I began to cry…I hugged my big brother and then turned to Brad. Wow. What an emotional send-off. I started walking through the line with my carry-on and kept looking back at Brad and Ryan, searching for their faces as I walked deeper into the chaotic abyss of airport security. The lady behind the counter asked if I was ok and probably thought it was weird that a person could be so sad to be going on vacation…I choked out a “Yeah-I’m-fine” and screamed at myself to get it together.

Finally, composure. I walked to my gate and sat waiting…I was almost an hour early…which is far too much time for a person to be left alone to his or her thoughts before leaving the country for a year. I had a few more crying spells but pretty much held it together there and throughout the flight to LAX. I had a two-hour layover in LAX, which was very helpful considering how many times I got lost and how long it took to go through the security clearances there as well. I made it to my terminal a few minutes before boarding began and made my last few tearful goodbyes over the phone…I knew these would be the last phone calls I would be able to make from my cell for the next year and I was feeling pretty scared. I was edified by words of encouragement and support, but still completely overwhelmed and alone.

I boarded my plane on Japan Airlines with red, swollen eyes, a heavy heart, and serious doubts about what I had gotten myself into… I avoided eye contact with anyone as I wandered down the narrow aisles and found my seat. A young Japanese man sat in the aisle seat and quickly stood to help me lift my carry-on into the overhead compartment. My heart was immediately softened by this stranger’s kindness and I sat in my seat, gazed out the window, and consciously reminded myself to inhale and exhale regularly.

welcome to my blog!

I wanted to write in my journal before I left America so that I could reflect on where my life stood at that moment, where I was going, and what I was leaving behind. However, I underestimated the time it would take me to run last-minute errands, pack up, say good-byes, and get everything ready to go abroad. Needless to say, I found myself sitting in an airplane on Sunday morning, March 21st with tear-stained cheeks, a pounding headache, an open journal, and a broken pen. It broke on the plane as I pulled out my journal and began to write...my morning had not been going well.

You will find within the passages to follow a detailed glimpse into my heart and mind as I experience Japan in its entirety. My purpose in capturing these thoughts and feelings is simple: I never want to forget what I felt, what I learned, and what I discovered in Japan...and because you have been given this web address, you must be someone that I hold close to my heart, someone that I cherish and love. For this reason I want you to share in my journey. I cannot promise that you will be entertained, uplifted, or even interested by what I have to say; I am simply offering to you an honest and intimate account of my experiences--straight from my heart and onto your computer screen.