stella

Wednesday August 18, 2010

I can’t believe I’m finishing off my last week of summer vacation; school begins again bright and early Monday morning! It’s been a pleasant month of incredible sights, tender experiences, and cherished companions, but I am excited to see my students and coworkers again! My first week back is definitely going to keep me busy though—I have a few hours of private English lessons after work on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday evenings, then Thursday I have Language Club with my students (he he), and after work on Friday, I’m moving!

I would proudly announce the new location of my soon-to-be-home, but I’m still not sure where that will be. I have narrowed it down to two apartments, but haven’t made a final decision yet. Either way, my contract is up here at the Guesthouse on the 27th of this month, so I will be moving out here on Friday night and settling into my new place on Saturday! Then on Sunday, I am giving a talk in Sacrament Meeting and then teaching the Gospel Doctrine lesson in Sunday School—then it is back to work on Monday morning! Needless to say, I have a lot of lesson-planning to accomplish in the next several days! It’s a good thing I like to keep busy, huh? :-) I should probably start packing, too...

Anyway, there are a lot of emotions and thoughts stewing in my head and heart right now (my last journal entry was 35 pages...!), but I keep thinking of a particular experience that I want to share and I’m not even sure why. It was meaningful to me, but to be honest, I feel a little childish in sharing it. Ha ha oh well, I promised to offer my experiences openly, so you are!

Well, I was biking home like usual, when I decided to stop by a local supermarket to pick up some groceries. As I neared the store, I noticed a butterfly that had landed on my shoulder, but I’m not sure how long "she" had been there. (Non-gender-specific pronouns have always seemed so impersonal to me, so I deemed this little creature a she. lol) I began walking into the store but was afraid that she would get trapped inside, so I shrugged a bit in an attempt to gently coax her away, but she didn’t budge. I waited a few moments and decided to snap a picture of her. Even with the camera right next to her, she didn’t flinch, so I decided to walk into the store. I meandered through the aisles, checking my shoulder periodically, and sure enough, she stayed there the entire time.

Outside the store

I don’t know why it comforted me, but I smiled each time I looked down and saw this little butterfly perched peacefully on my sleeve. I decided to call her Stella. :-) I purchased my groceries, walked outside the store, and hopped back on my bike, certain that she would flutter away once I began moving and bumping along the road to get back home. Much to my surprise, I pulled up to my apartment and there she was, still resting on my shoulder, it almost as though she had been guiding me home. Once I arrived back at my building, my friend approached me and it wasn’t until he did so that she finally flew off.

I have never seen a butterfly behave that way—it was the strangest thing—but there was something so serenely delicate about it somehow. To look down and see something so small and fragile so close to me, completely unthreatened by me, almost as though this tiny creature was protecting me somehow...it was beautiful.

Anyway, that’s a really random experience, but it just impressed me and made me aware all over again about the precious daily miracles that surround all of us. I have often been teased that I am like a butterfly in a meadow, constantly "fluttering around to see all the different flowers everywhere," but I guess I’m ok with being that way. I know I want to see everything and experience everything, but how could I not when there is so much beauty and mystery around me? Sometimes I wonder if we are ever really aware of how blessed we are to be alive. Do we ever really understand the gift of every, every moment? I suppose it’s due in part to recent tendernesses that have surrounded me—whether in the form of paper cranes or butterfly wings, but I hope to pay more attention to the fragile things...the delicate miracles...because they truly are remarkable.

the power of paper cranes

Thursday August 5, 2010

My summer vacation is FLYING so I wanted to write a quick update before I blink and I’m back at work! I kicked of the summer vacation by climbing Mt. Fuji with my friends Tyla and Tauna…what an incredible experience! I was a little nervous before we left because I had been warned repeatedly by those around me about the intensity of the endeavor and worried that I was ridiculously unprepared. My coworkers were literally worried for my life…but to be honest, it was a breeze! I don’t know why everyone was so worried; people were hiking in full mountain gear—oxygen tanks and everything—I didn’t even bring a coat because I couldn’t fit it in my backpack!

It was a long hike and my legs were a little sore the day after from hours and hours of hiking, but most of the discomfort came from the descent. I’ve had problems with my right knee ever since my 2005 car accident and “walking” (more like sliding) down a mountainside hour after hour took its toll, but it wasn’t like it was hard. I genuinely enjoyed the entire experience and I was continually amazed by the beauty around me. I soaked up every minute and loved every shade of the spectacular sunrise in the morning light. It was unlike anything else I have ever seen in my life and I don’t know how anyone could walk away from that mountain without a knowledge of the existence of God. The beauty there was definitely beyond the capacities of this world.

When I came back to Sendai, I found an email from my mom announcing that my dad and she were planning a last-minute visit to Sendai!!!! The plan was to leave America on August 4th (arriving here August 5th) and then travel with me until the 13th. I got SO excited that I haven’t really slept in a week; I can only describe it as perma-Christmas-Eve-syndrome. Then, my dear friend Jason told me that he was going to join my parents! I went from expecting no visitors to expecting three! Wahoo! My parents left for a vacation to my family’s cabin and we planned to work out the final details when they returned on Monday. Unfortunately, a bit of a bump arose that changed our plans…my mom became quite ill.

Basically, my mom has had problems with pain in her legs her whole life and when she got pregnant with twins about 27 years ago, everything got much worse. A vein ruptured in her leg and for as long as I can remember my mom I can remember the open wound on her leg. It would take between two to three years to heal at a time and the size and severity of the wound would fluctuate, but it was always there. It has been closed up for some time now, but my mom noticed a small red line on the skin there as she left for vacation. The line grew over the next several days until it became a large and open wound. She became physically ill and quite feverish from the infection and went to the doctor upon returning to Utah. Her doctor feared that it could be gangrene and directed my mom to go to a wound center.

I won’t go into gruesome details, but my mom showed me her leg on Skype and, well, it looked like gangrene to me, too. She couldn’t stand or walk, let alone wander around with me around Sendai and we knew that there would be no way she could make the trip… :-( The doctors cleared out much of the infection and it has to be dressed and treated each day, but my mom said her fever has been going down and she is making progress. She told the doctors that she wanted to come to Japan to visit her daughter and they told her that maybe it would be healed enough to come visit me…next Spring…sooooo that’s the plan!

To be completely honest, I was heartbroken to hear the news. More than anything, I was just flat-out worried about my momma! I really got my hopes up to see her and to see my dad though; I told everyone that would listen that my parents were coming and I know it would have been SO fun to have them here.

Still, I KNOW better than to let this discourage me. I absolutely know that everything happens for a reason, everything. I realize that I don’t know the whole story and that there are blessings in this change that I may or may not ever come to understand in this life. Still, a few huge blessings have already shone blaringly through my initial disappointment. First of all, it is incredibly fortunate that my mom got sick just before coming to Japan rather than during her visit here. Also, my friend Jason is still coming out to visit and I know we will have a blast exploring Japan together!

One unexpected blessing was a renewal of my love and gratitude for those around me here in Sendai. Once I told my landlord that my parents were no longer going to be able to make the trip (of course she and the other tenants here were all aware of the impending visit), she left the room, quickly returning with a box of origami paper. Without a word, she began folding the paper and motioned for me to do the same. I have never folded origami in my life, but I did my best to follow her steps. Soon enough, I had created a tiny paper crane! She handed me a large stack of paper squares and motioned that I continue, then left the room again.

I obediently, though clumsily, continued to fold the paper, wondering if she thought this would help distract me or something from the disappointing news of my parents. I was wrong! She returned with a small book explaining the Japanese custom of sen-ba-zuru. The crane is a symbol of long life in Japan and send-ba-zuru is the presentation of 1,000 origami cranes to someone that is ill in order to help that person get well. She put her hand over her heart and through broken English explained to me that she hoped my “momma” would be “OK soon.” My heart was deeply touched again by her kindness and soon a couple other residents sat at the table to help me make cranes for my momma. It was a beautiful and humbling experience… I don’t know that we made 1,000, but we folded for hours and I felt the Lord with me, delicately replacing feelings of sadness with profound gratitude one paper crane at a time. Of course I wish my parents could still make it, but I am far too blessed to be unhappy about it…there really is just too much goodness in my life and I know that the Lord has a purpose behind this change so, really, what do I have to be upset about? Just as fear cannot exist where there is faith, surely unhappiness cannot dwell where there is gratitude.

Oh no, I have been rambling again! I better get off my computer screen—I still have much to do before Jason gets here TONIGHT! There is a huge festival in Sendai this weekend called the Tanabata festival and they are holding an opening ceremony tonight with what I am told will be a marvelous firework display! I know that all will be well and that my mom is under great care but, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d appreciate any prayer on her behalf that you may have time to offer. I sure love my momma and I believe in the power of “paper cranes” in all forms. Thank you!

journal entry #14 - a day in the life of kari sensei, english teacher!

Friday July 23, 2010

After school today, a group of my cute freshmen girls will rehearse a skit with me that they wrote for an English competition. We have read, modified, practiced, and re-modified this skit for weeks. They even recorded my voice as I model-read the entire dialogue line by line so that they could “perfect” their pronunciation!

I stand back in adoration and watch them shine, only giving correction and input when they request it and only if I think avoiding the correction would hurt their overall performance. I don’t want any of me in this skit because they have done a marvelous job on their own—and I want to preserve the integrity of their creativity. They already passed the first round of the competition and are now preparing for the Regional level. I was so happy for them that it felt like I won when they told me they made it through and now I am eagerly anticipating their final competition in August. I wish we had more time, but the semester ended on Wednesday and I am just finishing up the week before I begin my own summer break.

I can’t believe that today is my last day of work for about a month! I am excited to visit with friends and explore Japan, but to be honest, I’m kinda bummed… wait, did I really just say that? Yeah, it’s true. There is SO much I want to see in Japan and I know that “time off” is going to keep me just as busy as my work-week anyway, but I am genuinely going to miss my coworkers and students…

Teaching these students is unlike anything else I’ve ever done before in my life and it is simultaneously the hardest and easiest job I’ve had. Lesson-planning requires more preparatory work than I’ve ever had to do in the past, but the actual teaching part doesn’t even feel like work to me. I cannot help but beam with delight as I enter each classroom and the time flies by when I’m delivering my lessons. Miyagi First is very rigorous so the students are dedicated and try to learn the material, which always helps make teaching more enjoyable/effective.

Still, I have several "class clowns" or the typical kids that try to act indifferent to everything and avoid eye contact because they think it's cool to blow off school...but it turns out that these ones are kinda my favorites, he he. I love forcing smiles on their faces and it's almost like a game. For example, there is a boy in one of my classes that always sits in the back corner and tries to just stare out the window or something—so, in his class, I always try to have one activity at the beginning of the lesson that forces everyone to get UP out of their seats and interact with each other somehow.

Some of the students are tired and relatively unresponsive when class begins, but when they get moving like this they are all laughing and enjoying talking in English within the first few minutes...and I wander through the students during the activity and always make a point to speak directly with (and praise) those students that are trying the hardest to avoid learning...they can't help but smile when I act more like their peer than their teacher and then they are like clay in my hands for the next 45 minutes.

In these activities, they are speaking in, listening to, and studying English without even realizing that they're learning and I just love it. It is so much fun to teach because it actually feels like I'm helping someone, I guess. This isn't something I just do alone in my home or office that doesn't directly affect anyone. I love seeing that light go on in a child's face when he or she finally gets what I'm trying to teach and I love it when i see confidence begin to build in “my kids” when something they once dismissed as impossible or useless transforms and they begin to see the value and fun of discovering another language. It’s impossible for me to go home at the end of the workday without a smile...even if it's a tired one!

I know that I’m going to have an incredible few weeks of travel and play, but I know I will still walk out of these doors today with a tender heart; I don’t know how I got so lucky. I live in a beautiful city full of genuinely good people that have carried me. I work in an uplifting and dynamic atmosphere, surrounded by intimidatingly intelligent coworkers that have guided me...and best of all? I teach something I love every day to bright and receptive students, edified continually by their individual gifts.

Several of my beautiful freshmen girls just before a school-wide musical performance. They were AMAZING!

journal entry #13 - a day in the life of kari san, gaijin adventurist

Saturday July 3, 2010

I decided not to set my alarm this morning so that I could sleep in as late as I wanted! I finally gave up by about 5:30 though and jumped out of futon (which is like jumping out of bed, but on the floor...)! I cleaned my luxurious 30-square-foot mansion, ran a couple loads of laundry, delved into some routine personal study, and caught up on a few other things I hadn’t had time to finish during the work-week. I then tossed some snacks, books, my journal, camera, and a couple extra knick-knacks into my backpack and set out to explore a bit more of Sendai! It was supposed to be a weekend of non-stop thunderstorms, but I woke up to nothing more than a soft drizzle and decided to explore, hoping the weather would hold.

I had heard about a temple that sits high on a hill near my apartment with a great view of the city and decided to check it out. After walking up the hill for about 10 minutes, I reached the base of the first flight of stairs…here is a pic!

Stairway to Japanese Heaven

Once I got to the top, I saw the city through the trees and suddenly felt as though I were sneaking a peek of the city from a high-rise, secret hiding place. I snapped a few shots and stopped several times to take a closer look at the vibrant foliage and historical architecture that lined the grounds. There were several small shrine-like buildings all around and a larger building that lay directly beyond the gate. The area looked much like a Buddhist temple I saw a couple weeks ago, but I am not absolutely certain as to whether or not it was.

Sneak-"peak" of Sendai

Almost immediately, a sweet old woman approached me and signaled for me to follow her around the grounds. She didn’t speak more than a few words of English, but she was clearly accustomed to the proper rituals and I just stood near her and mimicked whatever she did and said. After we washed our hands in what I recognized as holy water from my last temple visit, we approached what I assumed to be the main temple building. She tossed some coins for me into what looked like a metal alter of some sort and we bowed, clapped twice, rang large bells by swinging the attached rope to and fro, and bowed again to the opened temple doors. I wanted to walk up the temple steps and explore inside, but I wasn’t sure whether or not that was allowed, so I just followed her toward an open gazebo with several benches that overlooked Sendai. She pulled out a book of kanji images and I got the impression that she draws Japanese calligraphy professionally. I was amazed by her openness because many Japanese people are hesitant to approach gaijin, or foreigners, especially older people. She rattled off to me in Japanese for a few minutes and I nodded, smiled, and “ooh-ed” as she turned through the pages of her book—I didn’t have to feign interest or enjoyment because I genuinely found the entire situation intriguing and beautiful.

She then apologized for taking my time, bowed, thanked me for talking with her, and trotted off back to the grounds’ entrance and down the stairs. I barely had time to return the apologies, thanks, and bows before she was out of sight and on her way. I sat there in the gazebo for a while and then meandered back through the rest of the temple grounds, amazed by all the shrines, statues, and buildings. Suddenly, I heard “Good morning” through a thick Japanese-accent and turned toward the voice. A small, elderly groundskeeper was smiling at me and I bowed back at him, smiling, and greeted him in the corresponding Japanese salutation, “Ohayo gozaimasu."

Our greetings led each of us to assume that the other spoke in our native tongue, but it became clear after about eight seconds that we had each exhausted our understanding of the other. Still, he excitedly jabbered off to me all about the temple grounds and began leading me to a few different buildings I hadn't seen yet.

I have often thought during similar wanderings around the city of how fun it would be to explore with a companion familiar with the area, language, and culture. I would love to know the significance of all that I see and discover the magnificent history behind everything—and here I was with a man who probably had more knowledge and tales about the grounds than anyone else! He led me to statue after statue and building after building, pointing, laughing, and describing each object in great detail...which would have been perfect...except that every single word of his explanation was in Japanese! :-D

In Japanese, I told him that I don’t understand or speak Japanese, but he didn’t seem to notice. I apologetically repeated myself in both Japanese and English a few times so that he wouldn’t be offended if I failed to respond or acknowledge him properly, but he didn’t seem to mind that I couldn’t understand him and I didn’t mind as long as he didn’t, so I just smiled and let him talk my ear off about the rich history of where I was. I nodded and parroted what I could back to him when I felt that he was trying to teach me something in particular and I focused intently on what he was saying, but I only understood a word or two of all he spoke. Still, he was a kind, sweet, and gentle old man. I wish I could have understood him and talked with him; I’m sure that man has incredible stories to tell.

After he had shown me around some more, he went back to his work and I wandered back to the gazebo where the first woman had taken me initially. I sat there in silence for some time and gazed out over the city. I felt my heart fill all over again with love and gratitude for the Japanese people and for their continual kindness.

View from the gazebo – my beautiful Japanese hometown!

I decided to read through some old journal entries written both before and after my arrival in Japan—many memories made me laugh out loud or smile with fond nostalgia, while others penetrated my heart with a poignant rush of tender emotions. I’m not sure how long I stayed there, as I hadn’t checked the time since I rose in the morning. Eventually, I wandered back down the hill and walked through some narrow streets until I found and entrance to the river bank near my apartment. I walked down by the water and sat on the shore, listening to the river and the sounds surrounding me. The atmosphere perfectly complimented the serenity of the temple grounds I had just left and I pulled out my journal again, this time filling the last few empty pages. It seemed perfectly fitting to me that I finished off my morning adventure by finishing off my journal as well.

I walked around some more but my camera battery died upon reaching the river bank and I could tell from the sun that it was midday; I decided to return to my apartment and slowly made my way home, stopping on a few more pleasant occasions to chat in broken English/Japanese with people that visited with me along the road.

Back in my apartment, I talked with my family on Skype for a bit and then set off again on my bike—this time to check out some shops and areas in downtown Sendai. I had a wonderful time; I found many new places and browsed through several confectionery shops that offered delicious samples of their desserts and snacks—bonus! Later, I met up at the church meetinghouse with three lovely girls from China and we made Chinese-style dumplings called "gyoza" using the church’s kitchen! They were DE-licious and we had brownies for dessert—yum!

Of course, I could go into as much detail describing any aspect of my afternoon and night as I did with my trip to the temple this morning, but I would never stop writing and figured that I should probably wrap this up before it turns into an entire journal rather than a single entry. Today is just one example of a typical weekend for me here—the specific adventures and faces change, but ultimately, every week I learn something new, meet someone else that touches my heart, and gain a deeper appreciation for my Lord, my life, and the amazing blessing of being in Japan. These experiences may be common in frequency, but never in significance; I am in awe of the world and people around me and I am excited every single morning when I wake up to discover what adventures the day will hold. I am off to bed for now, but tomorrow is the 4th of July and I am excited to celebrate it......somehow!

journal entry #12 - april showers pourin in JUNE

Wednesday June 16, 2010

I’ve been putting this off. I’m not sure why, but I think I have been subconsciously avoiding my blog. I think about how I should write an update all the time, but then I think of the gazillion other things I want to do as well and I think, “I’ll write an update right after this...” Well, June is flying past me now and I haven’t written a single post yet... I apologize to all the followers of my blog for the delay--both of you. :-) There are still those gazillion other things I could get done right now, but this time, they can wait.

I think one of the reasons I haven’t been writing isn’t because I have nothing to say, but because I don’t even know where to begin! I feel like every single day has been an adventure and I have had the opportunity to witness daily miracles all around (and within) me that are truly precious. I feel like I could sit down every single day and recapitulate all that occurred, but I would never be able to stop writing! I don’t want to forget a single moment of my time in the marvelous country, but I don’t want to spend so much time journaling my experiences that I overlook new opportunities around me, either.

Also, I think it’s been hard to know what to write about because my perspective has evolved from the time I made those daunting steps off the airplane in Tokyo. When I first got here, I felt like I needed to write about everything because it all seemed so absolutely foreign (obviously) and I was astounded by all of it. Now, Sendai feels like home! I’m still just beginning to scrape the surfaces of the complex language and intricate culture and I am ever-aware of my place as an outsider, but it’s impossible to feel alienated here. The people are too kind, the land too beautiful, and the food too delicious to keep them at a distance from the heart. Japan has quickly become dear to me and I have already formed relationships with people here that I will treasure for the rest of my life.

Although I am still baffled by most labels at the grocery stores and cannot accomplish anything beyond the basics at banks and shops without assistance, I have really settled into my work, my home, and my life in Sendai. I know where to go for groceries, which stores have the best prices and/or selections of what I’m looking for, and I’m actually enjoying the complexities of maintaining a budget, cooking, commuting, and all those other fun “grown-up” tasks I anticipated as a 14-year old but only really thought moms had to worry about. Still, I know I have so much to learn and I’m excited each day by something new that I hadn’t seen, heard, or known before. My life has by no means become monotonous, but it does feel calmer now.

Japan is currently experiencing what is referred to as “rainy season” and I have to say that I laughed a little to myself when I read the forecast describe “tons of rain” and “lots of rain” as weather predictions. Well, the forecast was right! Rain in Sendai is unlike rain I’ve experienced ever before and it literally goes days without stopping—and it pours the entire time. People frown when they talk about rainy season and they always apologize to me when they talk about the weather, as though it were up to them to keep the sky sunny for my enjoyment. However, I sincerely enjoy the rain! I love the sun, don’t get me wrong, but I love the sweet smells and soothing sounds of heavy rain. Plus, I found some super cute rain boots and each day it rains is a perfect opportunity for me to justify the fact that the most expensive footwear in my closet at this moment is now a fancy pair of galoshes!

My version of practical footwear! They keep my toes oh-so-dry!

Along with the heavy rain I am discovering the stifling combination of summer heat and coastal humidity. Anyone that knows me knows that I love hot, hot summers and has probably never heard me complain about being too warm...ever...but, wow—humidity makes a much bigger difference than I had ever anticipated. My bike commute is close to an hour each way and my schools do not have air-conditioning. Also, the humidity saturates everything. My clothes are damp, even when I first pull them from my closet to get dressed in the morning, and they seem to continue absorbing every drop of moisture during my commute and throughout the day—whether or not it’s raining. Nothing is ever completely dry.

I’ve heard people describe the effects of humidity before as constantly feeling like you just stepped out of the shower without drying off, but I couldn’t imagine it really being that extreme. News to Karianne—it is! The heat isn’t uncomfortable at all and it hasn’t broken 90 degrees more than a few times so far, but when the humidity matches the temperature percentage point for degree (or exceeds it), it’s incredibly stagnant. The wetness in the air in my apartment has already caused the pages in my books to warp (eek!) and the corners of my photos to curl up. All my food must also be kept in the fridge unless I want it to spoil over a matter of days; even potatoes, onions, and bread have gone bad before I realized that I need to refrigerate them!

Needless to say, I soon accepted that humidity has more control over my hair than personal preference and I am, even if reluctantly, embracing the long-suppressed natural curl in my hair. I’ve worn it straight a few times, but it takes nearly three times as long to dry and flat iron and I have to go back through it several times a day, even on the driest and sunniest of days! Tonee Marie, you win...at least during rainy season... (My BFF has tried convincing me to wear my hair curly for 10+ years.)

Still, I am thoroughly enjoying my first Japanese summer and there are many stories, observations, and thoughts that I would like to share here! I will try to sort through my random abyss of photos and discombobulated reflections enough that I can provide a more complete view of my life in Sendai. I still haven’t tried gyu tan yet, but my time is quickly approaching! I will update soon! By the way--these are actually really, really comfortable. On rainy days I walk in them for 1-2 hours and my feet never ache! LOVE.

journal entry #11 - when it rains, it pours...but at least it's beautiful

Friday May 7, 2010 11:00 pm JST

All I can think about is my baby brother...today is May 7th, the day that Casey comes home from his mission. He has been serving in the England, London South Mission since May of 2008 and even though he comes home today, he won’t actually be home until tomorrow...it’s confusing to live in the future! It’s Friday in Japan right now, but Casey won’t actually get home until Friday evening in America, which will be about 10 o’clock on Saturday morning for me – yes, I’ve already calculated the time difference to be aware of the exact moment that he will step off the plane. I’m not homesick, I’m not homesick, I’m not...ok, maybe I’m feeling a little homesick.

It isn’t that I don’t want to be here. I have actually had an amazing day today and my heart is overflowing with gratitude for the conditions of my life exactly as they are...but I do miss my sweet, younger brother dearly, and it makes my heart ache a bit to know that I won’t be there when he gets home. I realize that I would just overwhelm him with affection and incessant chatter the way I did when my older brother Tyler came back from his mission, but it’s disheartening to think that I will go three years without seeing the face of my favorite little fungus. (It’s a long story for those who don’t know the nickname, but Casey was tenderly deemed “Spore” or “Fungus” by my eldest sister when he was very young and it just stuck; I almost always address him by one of these delicate and charming titles.) Still, as I mentioned, today has been another wonderful adventure in Japan and I am trying to remember that I can control where I let my thoughts dwell, but I cannot control the overlap between my departure from America and Spore’s return from his mission.

Fungus and me at the airport on the morning he left for his mission!

With that in mind, I would like to share this week’s highlights: Sunday morning brought the realization that I had accidentally left my digital camera in the pocket of a coat that I washed the night before...ohhh, Karianne...I was sick to my stomach all day because I made the realization on my way out the door to church and didn’t get back home for six hours, which gave me far too many opportunities to beat myself up for my absentmindedness and too much time to worry over whether or not my SD card survived the wash, which it did--thank goodness!! I had Monday through Wednesday off work for what’s called Golden Week in Japan, which is a series of three unrelated, but consecutive holidays during which schools, businesses, and government offices close. Also, I worked the previous Saturday and so I received a compensatory day off on Thursday! I was SO excited for the break because I hadn’t had time to take care of a lot of errands and hadn’t done much exploring around Sendai beyond the essential places to purchase basic items. I was eager to take a few days to visit parks, temples, and friends, and take lots of pictures...oh yeah...I put my camera through the normal cycle...Excellent... :-/

Still, my days off flew by. I spent each day biking and trekking around Sendai to check out new stores, markets, and malls. My dad would be so proud; I even compared prices! I found everything on my list but maple syrup and rain boots...well, actually I found both, but the syrup was $35 dollars for less than 200ml (about 6 oz) and the rain boots were just under $200, so I decided I’d better keep looking. :-) I also visited friends, taught some private English classes, wrote lesson plans, skyped with loved ones back home, and finally caved into buying a new digital camera. I found an upgraded version of what I bought back in the states for less than I spent on my first (it was the final day of a great Golden Week sale) and even though it makes me sick to think of the total cost of both cameras, all I can do now is carefully check every pocket and every fold of every piece of laundry I wash...twice.

This morning was warm and beautiful though and I felt refreshed and ready for a busy day of teaching! I seriously missed my students during the break. I was very excited to see them! I checked the weather forecast before I left for work and saw that it was supposed to rain all day, but there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Still, I decided to take the subway and then transfer to the bus, just in case. I had a fabulous day at work and hopped back on the bus for a quick ride to the subway station; I was grateful I opted for public transportation, as it had begun to pour rain a few hours earlier.

However, as I passed the ticket machines, I noticed a lot of people just standing by the gates instead of hurrying through them like usual and I saw something scrolling across the TV in red, Japanese characters (which I’m sure would have been valuable to me if I could have read it...). I obediently stood in place for a few minutes and then decided to try to figure out why no one was going anywhere. I couldn’t find anyone in the crowd that spoke more than a couple words of English, but I eventually gathered enough from gestures, sound effects, and broken English/Japanese phrases to conclude that there had been some sort of crash at my stop and no subway trains would be running for the next hour or so. I’ve heard that (though awful) it is a relatively regular occurrence to have trains delayed due to suicides and unfortunately, this is probably a very likely explanation as to what happened--but I’ll never really know.

I was surprised to hear about the long delay and still see so many still people standing patiently, but I decided that I would prefer a walk in the rain than at least an hour underground. Smiling to myself as I hopped over a puddle in the sidewalk, I remembered thinking during my morning commute that I enjoy the physical activity of biking much more than standing in a bus or subway and decided that God was just trying to let me know that He heard me by still finding a way for me to get that physical activity in my day—I bet He enjoyed His creative answer to that little prayer! ;-) I haven’t walked home from work yet, as it takes almost two hours to do so, but I immediately noticed several small miracles that added up to a quite enjoyable walk home.

First, I wanted to wear a pencil skirt and heels to work today, but decided last-minute to wear pants to work and then change into my skirt once I got there (which I normally only do when biking). After work, I changed back into my pants to head home. I also put back my heels this morning and grabbed a pair of flats on my way out the door. I forgot my umbrella at my apartment, but had an extra at my school that I grabbed on my way out the door from the school. Also, I was looking forward to straightening my hair today (I rarely straighten my hair here because the humidity usually forces it into curls anyway), but I accidentally overslept a bit and didn’t have time, so I let it dry curly. Another huge blessing was that even though it was pouring rain, today was one of the warmest days it’s been since I got to Japan. Isn’t it interesting how all of these factors point toward God preparing me for a nice walk in the rain on my way home? Also, I felt very lucky to realize that the mishap with the subway occurred on my way home from work, rather than during my morning commute to work, which would have been much more stressful and problematic.

Of course, the biggest blessing of all is that I wasn’t on the subway when it crashed. Again, I have no idea what happened, how severe it was, or when exactly it took place, but most people I’ve talked to here say that most subway accidents (or suicide situations) are resolved within about 20-30 minutes, so for the delay to be a full hour, I’m assuming two things: first, that it was a pretty significant crash, and second, that it occurred relatively soon before I arrived at the station. Another “coincidence” that realistically had nothing to do with chance was that I had actually finished up with work about an hour earlier than normal. I didn’t have a final class today and was ahead on my lesson plans, so I could have left the school at any moment the preceding hour. I even wanted to hurry home, but I had the distinct thought come into my mind, “Not yet.” I didn’t even notice it as any sort of impression or instruction; I just thought to myself, “Not yet” and decided to stay a little longer to finish up a couple things that could have waited...

Obviously, there are many aspects of this situation that I don’t know...but here is what I do know: I know that things will go wrong every single day. I know that it can be frustrating to hit every single red light on a morning commute when you’re already running late, and I know that sometimes we get discouraged about the cards we’ve been dealt, so to speak. Still, days like today remind me that sometimes the biggest blessings in our lives are the very same instances that we may be automatically inclined to murmur the most about. I know I could have been upset that I had to walk so long in the pouring rain and maybe I wouldn’t have been anywhere near the accident if I left work on time anyway—but there were just too many obvious blessings and miracles leading to that point in my day to be overlooked. These miracles are not always so vivid--but what if we looked at whatever is going on in our lives from a different perspective? What if that red light you hit set you back a few minutes on your way to work, but it also kept you from being at the exact location where a devastating car accident would have otherwise taken place?

I guess the bottom line is just that we never really know the full story...but even if we did know, none of us have the power to change it...and even if we could change it, assuming we really knew the end, would we want to anyway? I absolutely believe that everything will work out exactly how it is supposed to in our lives. Every day is a beautiful opportunity to witness another miracle around us; we just have to open our eyes to these precious, daily occurrences...because they do happen every single day. We can hide from the storms or we can dance in the rain, but the choice is ours...and tonight, I feel like dancing. :-)

Atagobashi Bridge in the rain! I cross this beautiful bridge every day on my way to and from work.

journal entry #10 - a belated update!

Sunday May 2, 2010 10:00pm JST

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! Today marks 33 years of wedded bliss for my parents, whoa! I definitely have to express the respect I have for my parents and the strength of their marriage when I look back on the 23 years that I’ve been in their lives and recall many of the complications and curve balls life has thrown their way. Even though I realize that I only observed and understood a tiny fraction of all that occurred, I can say that I watched my parents overcome countless obstacles with mutual love, respect, support, and patience. They have taught me a lot about love, about life, and have given me hope that two people really can make it together in this chaotic world of broken promises, empty vows, and selfish indulgence. Despite my numerous protests and grossed-out faces as a child when I saw my parents kissing or flirting in front of me, it actually made me happy to know that they could still be so playful and openly in love in their “old age.” I think it’s pretty impressive that my parents have spent more of their lives together by now than they ever did without each other. After all this time, despite all the trials, and through all the years, I’m amazed that two people can still love each other so much, let alone even like each other! Thank you, Mom and Dad, for your example, your love, and the hope your marriage offers to the next generation.

On a completely unrelated note, I thought I’d offer an update as to my status in Japan and details concerning my current accommodations, as promised in my last entry. Well, it’s been a very complicated process and relaying it all would turn into a very long story, but the final result is that I have moved out of Hosoisan’s home and into a “Guesthouse.” The Guesthouse is basically a once-college-dorm-now-apartment building and there are about 30 residents here that rotate periodically. Most apartments require a contract of at least one year, but the Guesthouse leases rooms for as little as one month, so most people here are foreigners that are visiting Japan for a short period of time. We all have a private bedroom that is about 10 square meters, but we share a kitchen, lounge room, laundry room, and shower area...one room for the boys, and one for the girls. There is also one bathroom on each floor (no outlets, mirrors, or sinks... ha ha). Ha ha it’s quite a bit like my freshman year at Westminster College...except that this time I have to walk down two flights of stairs to shower instead of down the hall.

It isn’t exactly what I had in mind when I imagined living in Japan (ok, so not even close to what I imagined), but I’ve pretty much adjusted to the new environment and have found a lot of things I really enjoy about living here. The biggest perk about the Guesthouse is that it's a virtually move-in ready apartment and amenities like heat, water, and laundry costs are included in the monthly rent--so even though the bill is pretty comparable to what I would pay in a private apartment, I only have to worry about one bill from my landlord each month. Unfortunately, it is almost twice as far from Miyagi First High School than I was before, where I spend the majority of my time during the week.

Most of the residents here are students or people near my age that are passing through Japan and although I haven’t met any Americans yet, almost everyone speaks some degree of English and has been very kind and welcoming. Also, I quickly learned how to get to and from my schools by bus, train, and bike and I’ve navigated my way through the neighboring areas well enough to know where to go for groceries, clothes, household items, and other basic needs. Happily, I have finally unpacked ALL of my bags and everything now has a proper home! It took a couple weeks to get settled in, organized, and find closet rods that wouldn’t buckle under the weight of my significantly-reduced wardrobe, but my work is finally done! My clothes, shoes, and personal paraphernalia are finally folded, hung, and properly stored away according to style, season, and color...ohh yeah. :-D

Also, I am completely settled into my schools and I absolutely love my job. I teach high school freshmen at Miyagi First High School four days a week and then I work at Nishitaga Special Needs School once a week. Miyagi First is the highest-achieving school in Miyagi Prefecture (a Prefecture is like a state—ex: I live in Sendai, Miyagi) and it's difficult for students to get accepted to go there. I thoroughly enjoy working with the students and faculty at Miyagi First because it is a challenging, professional, and organized atmosphere – which I LOVE. However, the teachers are still extremely friendly and they have great relationships with their students – which is inspiring. The students are bright and fun, but most are very shy to speak English. I really like the challenge teaching gives me to be flexible, creative, and engaging, while still working to build the confidence level of all of my students as their proficiency in the English language increases. I can already see why so many people become teachers, despite being overworked and underpaid. It is incredibly rewarding to teach, to watch the light switch on in the mind and face of a child as he or she realizes what you are trying to get across, and he or she finally “gets it.” That moment, that satisfaction, is precious.

Nishitaga Special Needs School is the complete opposite of Miyagi First, yet it is every bit as rewarding and enjoyable. As the name of the school suggests, Nishitaga students all have some sort of special need, though the severity and circumstances vary with each child. There, I work with a very wide range of students—I teach elementary to high school children and some of my students have physical handicaps, some have mental disabilities, some have both, some are very subtle, and some are incredibly extreme. I even have one darling student named Hiroshi who participates in class each day via Skype from his hospital bed; he is learning English but he can’t even move, eat, or speak Japanese on his own. He responds to questions with clicks of his tongue, blinks, or computer-generated responses and he actually understands the material. It’s a miracle every single day. My classes at Nishitaga typically have 5 or fewer students, whereas my typical classes at Miyagi First hold between 35 and 45. Also, Miyagi First used to be an all-girls school and this is the first year that it is all co-ed, so my students are predominately female. At Nishitaga, however, I work exclusively with boys.

I could seriously go on and on about my schools, my students, and my coworkers, but this entry is quickly turning into a novel and I feel like I haven’t even skimmed the surface of all I wanted to say. Ultimately, it comes down to this: although Miyagi First and Nishitaga seem to oppose each other on the academic spectrum in just about every way possible, they each offer me the same, incredible experience. At both schools, I am falling more in love with my students every single day. At both schools, I am in humble admiration of the staff around me, of the students before me, and of the God that surrounds it all. Even though circumstances beyond my control have tossed me around and led me to unexpected ground, I am happy, blessed, and safe. I am grateful that everything has come together the way it has and I know that it’s only going to continue to progress from here. I am thrilled for the future; I know it’s going to be absolutely amazing!