journal entry #11 - when it rains, it pours...but at least it's beautiful

Friday May 7, 2010 11:00 pm JST

All I can think about is my baby brother...today is May 7th, the day that Casey comes home from his mission. He has been serving in the England, London South Mission since May of 2008 and even though he comes home today, he won’t actually be home until tomorrow...it’s confusing to live in the future! It’s Friday in Japan right now, but Casey won’t actually get home until Friday evening in America, which will be about 10 o’clock on Saturday morning for me – yes, I’ve already calculated the time difference to be aware of the exact moment that he will step off the plane. I’m not homesick, I’m not homesick, I’m not...ok, maybe I’m feeling a little homesick.

It isn’t that I don’t want to be here. I have actually had an amazing day today and my heart is overflowing with gratitude for the conditions of my life exactly as they are...but I do miss my sweet, younger brother dearly, and it makes my heart ache a bit to know that I won’t be there when he gets home. I realize that I would just overwhelm him with affection and incessant chatter the way I did when my older brother Tyler came back from his mission, but it’s disheartening to think that I will go three years without seeing the face of my favorite little fungus. (It’s a long story for those who don’t know the nickname, but Casey was tenderly deemed “Spore” or “Fungus” by my eldest sister when he was very young and it just stuck; I almost always address him by one of these delicate and charming titles.) Still, as I mentioned, today has been another wonderful adventure in Japan and I am trying to remember that I can control where I let my thoughts dwell, but I cannot control the overlap between my departure from America and Spore’s return from his mission.

Fungus and me at the airport on the morning he left for his mission!

With that in mind, I would like to share this week’s highlights: Sunday morning brought the realization that I had accidentally left my digital camera in the pocket of a coat that I washed the night before...ohhh, Karianne...I was sick to my stomach all day because I made the realization on my way out the door to church and didn’t get back home for six hours, which gave me far too many opportunities to beat myself up for my absentmindedness and too much time to worry over whether or not my SD card survived the wash, which it did--thank goodness!! I had Monday through Wednesday off work for what’s called Golden Week in Japan, which is a series of three unrelated, but consecutive holidays during which schools, businesses, and government offices close. Also, I worked the previous Saturday and so I received a compensatory day off on Thursday! I was SO excited for the break because I hadn’t had time to take care of a lot of errands and hadn’t done much exploring around Sendai beyond the essential places to purchase basic items. I was eager to take a few days to visit parks, temples, and friends, and take lots of pictures...oh yeah...I put my camera through the normal cycle...Excellent... :-/

Still, my days off flew by. I spent each day biking and trekking around Sendai to check out new stores, markets, and malls. My dad would be so proud; I even compared prices! I found everything on my list but maple syrup and rain boots...well, actually I found both, but the syrup was $35 dollars for less than 200ml (about 6 oz) and the rain boots were just under $200, so I decided I’d better keep looking. :-) I also visited friends, taught some private English classes, wrote lesson plans, skyped with loved ones back home, and finally caved into buying a new digital camera. I found an upgraded version of what I bought back in the states for less than I spent on my first (it was the final day of a great Golden Week sale) and even though it makes me sick to think of the total cost of both cameras, all I can do now is carefully check every pocket and every fold of every piece of laundry I wash...twice.

This morning was warm and beautiful though and I felt refreshed and ready for a busy day of teaching! I seriously missed my students during the break. I was very excited to see them! I checked the weather forecast before I left for work and saw that it was supposed to rain all day, but there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Still, I decided to take the subway and then transfer to the bus, just in case. I had a fabulous day at work and hopped back on the bus for a quick ride to the subway station; I was grateful I opted for public transportation, as it had begun to pour rain a few hours earlier.

However, as I passed the ticket machines, I noticed a lot of people just standing by the gates instead of hurrying through them like usual and I saw something scrolling across the TV in red, Japanese characters (which I’m sure would have been valuable to me if I could have read it...). I obediently stood in place for a few minutes and then decided to try to figure out why no one was going anywhere. I couldn’t find anyone in the crowd that spoke more than a couple words of English, but I eventually gathered enough from gestures, sound effects, and broken English/Japanese phrases to conclude that there had been some sort of crash at my stop and no subway trains would be running for the next hour or so. I’ve heard that (though awful) it is a relatively regular occurrence to have trains delayed due to suicides and unfortunately, this is probably a very likely explanation as to what happened--but I’ll never really know.

I was surprised to hear about the long delay and still see so many still people standing patiently, but I decided that I would prefer a walk in the rain than at least an hour underground. Smiling to myself as I hopped over a puddle in the sidewalk, I remembered thinking during my morning commute that I enjoy the physical activity of biking much more than standing in a bus or subway and decided that God was just trying to let me know that He heard me by still finding a way for me to get that physical activity in my day—I bet He enjoyed His creative answer to that little prayer! ;-) I haven’t walked home from work yet, as it takes almost two hours to do so, but I immediately noticed several small miracles that added up to a quite enjoyable walk home.

First, I wanted to wear a pencil skirt and heels to work today, but decided last-minute to wear pants to work and then change into my skirt once I got there (which I normally only do when biking). After work, I changed back into my pants to head home. I also put back my heels this morning and grabbed a pair of flats on my way out the door. I forgot my umbrella at my apartment, but had an extra at my school that I grabbed on my way out the door from the school. Also, I was looking forward to straightening my hair today (I rarely straighten my hair here because the humidity usually forces it into curls anyway), but I accidentally overslept a bit and didn’t have time, so I let it dry curly. Another huge blessing was that even though it was pouring rain, today was one of the warmest days it’s been since I got to Japan. Isn’t it interesting how all of these factors point toward God preparing me for a nice walk in the rain on my way home? Also, I felt very lucky to realize that the mishap with the subway occurred on my way home from work, rather than during my morning commute to work, which would have been much more stressful and problematic.

Of course, the biggest blessing of all is that I wasn’t on the subway when it crashed. Again, I have no idea what happened, how severe it was, or when exactly it took place, but most people I’ve talked to here say that most subway accidents (or suicide situations) are resolved within about 20-30 minutes, so for the delay to be a full hour, I’m assuming two things: first, that it was a pretty significant crash, and second, that it occurred relatively soon before I arrived at the station. Another “coincidence” that realistically had nothing to do with chance was that I had actually finished up with work about an hour earlier than normal. I didn’t have a final class today and was ahead on my lesson plans, so I could have left the school at any moment the preceding hour. I even wanted to hurry home, but I had the distinct thought come into my mind, “Not yet.” I didn’t even notice it as any sort of impression or instruction; I just thought to myself, “Not yet” and decided to stay a little longer to finish up a couple things that could have waited...

Obviously, there are many aspects of this situation that I don’t know...but here is what I do know: I know that things will go wrong every single day. I know that it can be frustrating to hit every single red light on a morning commute when you’re already running late, and I know that sometimes we get discouraged about the cards we’ve been dealt, so to speak. Still, days like today remind me that sometimes the biggest blessings in our lives are the very same instances that we may be automatically inclined to murmur the most about. I know I could have been upset that I had to walk so long in the pouring rain and maybe I wouldn’t have been anywhere near the accident if I left work on time anyway—but there were just too many obvious blessings and miracles leading to that point in my day to be overlooked. These miracles are not always so vivid--but what if we looked at whatever is going on in our lives from a different perspective? What if that red light you hit set you back a few minutes on your way to work, but it also kept you from being at the exact location where a devastating car accident would have otherwise taken place?

I guess the bottom line is just that we never really know the full story...but even if we did know, none of us have the power to change it...and even if we could change it, assuming we really knew the end, would we want to anyway? I absolutely believe that everything will work out exactly how it is supposed to in our lives. Every day is a beautiful opportunity to witness another miracle around us; we just have to open our eyes to these precious, daily occurrences...because they do happen every single day. We can hide from the storms or we can dance in the rain, but the choice is ours...and tonight, I feel like dancing. :-)

Atagobashi Bridge in the rain! I cross this beautiful bridge every day on my way to and from work.