stella

Wednesday August 18, 2010

I can’t believe I’m finishing off my last week of summer vacation; school begins again bright and early Monday morning! It’s been a pleasant month of incredible sights, tender experiences, and cherished companions, but I am excited to see my students and coworkers again! My first week back is definitely going to keep me busy though—I have a few hours of private English lessons after work on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday evenings, then Thursday I have Language Club with my students (he he), and after work on Friday, I’m moving!

I would proudly announce the new location of my soon-to-be-home, but I’m still not sure where that will be. I have narrowed it down to two apartments, but haven’t made a final decision yet. Either way, my contract is up here at the Guesthouse on the 27th of this month, so I will be moving out here on Friday night and settling into my new place on Saturday! Then on Sunday, I am giving a talk in Sacrament Meeting and then teaching the Gospel Doctrine lesson in Sunday School—then it is back to work on Monday morning! Needless to say, I have a lot of lesson-planning to accomplish in the next several days! It’s a good thing I like to keep busy, huh? :-) I should probably start packing, too...

Anyway, there are a lot of emotions and thoughts stewing in my head and heart right now (my last journal entry was 35 pages...!), but I keep thinking of a particular experience that I want to share and I’m not even sure why. It was meaningful to me, but to be honest, I feel a little childish in sharing it. Ha ha oh well, I promised to offer my experiences openly, so you are!

Well, I was biking home like usual, when I decided to stop by a local supermarket to pick up some groceries. As I neared the store, I noticed a butterfly that had landed on my shoulder, but I’m not sure how long "she" had been there. (Non-gender-specific pronouns have always seemed so impersonal to me, so I deemed this little creature a she. lol) I began walking into the store but was afraid that she would get trapped inside, so I shrugged a bit in an attempt to gently coax her away, but she didn’t budge. I waited a few moments and decided to snap a picture of her. Even with the camera right next to her, she didn’t flinch, so I decided to walk into the store. I meandered through the aisles, checking my shoulder periodically, and sure enough, she stayed there the entire time.

Outside the store

I don’t know why it comforted me, but I smiled each time I looked down and saw this little butterfly perched peacefully on my sleeve. I decided to call her Stella. :-) I purchased my groceries, walked outside the store, and hopped back on my bike, certain that she would flutter away once I began moving and bumping along the road to get back home. Much to my surprise, I pulled up to my apartment and there she was, still resting on my shoulder, it almost as though she had been guiding me home. Once I arrived back at my building, my friend approached me and it wasn’t until he did so that she finally flew off.

I have never seen a butterfly behave that way—it was the strangest thing—but there was something so serenely delicate about it somehow. To look down and see something so small and fragile so close to me, completely unthreatened by me, almost as though this tiny creature was protecting me somehow...it was beautiful.

Anyway, that’s a really random experience, but it just impressed me and made me aware all over again about the precious daily miracles that surround all of us. I have often been teased that I am like a butterfly in a meadow, constantly "fluttering around to see all the different flowers everywhere," but I guess I’m ok with being that way. I know I want to see everything and experience everything, but how could I not when there is so much beauty and mystery around me? Sometimes I wonder if we are ever really aware of how blessed we are to be alive. Do we ever really understand the gift of every, every moment? I suppose it’s due in part to recent tendernesses that have surrounded me—whether in the form of paper cranes or butterfly wings, but I hope to pay more attention to the fragile things...the delicate miracles...because they truly are remarkable.

the power of paper cranes

Thursday August 5, 2010

My summer vacation is FLYING so I wanted to write a quick update before I blink and I’m back at work! I kicked of the summer vacation by climbing Mt. Fuji with my friends Tyla and Tauna…what an incredible experience! I was a little nervous before we left because I had been warned repeatedly by those around me about the intensity of the endeavor and worried that I was ridiculously unprepared. My coworkers were literally worried for my life…but to be honest, it was a breeze! I don’t know why everyone was so worried; people were hiking in full mountain gear—oxygen tanks and everything—I didn’t even bring a coat because I couldn’t fit it in my backpack!

It was a long hike and my legs were a little sore the day after from hours and hours of hiking, but most of the discomfort came from the descent. I’ve had problems with my right knee ever since my 2005 car accident and “walking” (more like sliding) down a mountainside hour after hour took its toll, but it wasn’t like it was hard. I genuinely enjoyed the entire experience and I was continually amazed by the beauty around me. I soaked up every minute and loved every shade of the spectacular sunrise in the morning light. It was unlike anything else I have ever seen in my life and I don’t know how anyone could walk away from that mountain without a knowledge of the existence of God. The beauty there was definitely beyond the capacities of this world.

When I came back to Sendai, I found an email from my mom announcing that my dad and she were planning a last-minute visit to Sendai!!!! The plan was to leave America on August 4th (arriving here August 5th) and then travel with me until the 13th. I got SO excited that I haven’t really slept in a week; I can only describe it as perma-Christmas-Eve-syndrome. Then, my dear friend Jason told me that he was going to join my parents! I went from expecting no visitors to expecting three! Wahoo! My parents left for a vacation to my family’s cabin and we planned to work out the final details when they returned on Monday. Unfortunately, a bit of a bump arose that changed our plans…my mom became quite ill.

Basically, my mom has had problems with pain in her legs her whole life and when she got pregnant with twins about 27 years ago, everything got much worse. A vein ruptured in her leg and for as long as I can remember my mom I can remember the open wound on her leg. It would take between two to three years to heal at a time and the size and severity of the wound would fluctuate, but it was always there. It has been closed up for some time now, but my mom noticed a small red line on the skin there as she left for vacation. The line grew over the next several days until it became a large and open wound. She became physically ill and quite feverish from the infection and went to the doctor upon returning to Utah. Her doctor feared that it could be gangrene and directed my mom to go to a wound center.

I won’t go into gruesome details, but my mom showed me her leg on Skype and, well, it looked like gangrene to me, too. She couldn’t stand or walk, let alone wander around with me around Sendai and we knew that there would be no way she could make the trip… :-( The doctors cleared out much of the infection and it has to be dressed and treated each day, but my mom said her fever has been going down and she is making progress. She told the doctors that she wanted to come to Japan to visit her daughter and they told her that maybe it would be healed enough to come visit me…next Spring…sooooo that’s the plan!

To be completely honest, I was heartbroken to hear the news. More than anything, I was just flat-out worried about my momma! I really got my hopes up to see her and to see my dad though; I told everyone that would listen that my parents were coming and I know it would have been SO fun to have them here.

Still, I KNOW better than to let this discourage me. I absolutely know that everything happens for a reason, everything. I realize that I don’t know the whole story and that there are blessings in this change that I may or may not ever come to understand in this life. Still, a few huge blessings have already shone blaringly through my initial disappointment. First of all, it is incredibly fortunate that my mom got sick just before coming to Japan rather than during her visit here. Also, my friend Jason is still coming out to visit and I know we will have a blast exploring Japan together!

One unexpected blessing was a renewal of my love and gratitude for those around me here in Sendai. Once I told my landlord that my parents were no longer going to be able to make the trip (of course she and the other tenants here were all aware of the impending visit), she left the room, quickly returning with a box of origami paper. Without a word, she began folding the paper and motioned for me to do the same. I have never folded origami in my life, but I did my best to follow her steps. Soon enough, I had created a tiny paper crane! She handed me a large stack of paper squares and motioned that I continue, then left the room again.

I obediently, though clumsily, continued to fold the paper, wondering if she thought this would help distract me or something from the disappointing news of my parents. I was wrong! She returned with a small book explaining the Japanese custom of sen-ba-zuru. The crane is a symbol of long life in Japan and send-ba-zuru is the presentation of 1,000 origami cranes to someone that is ill in order to help that person get well. She put her hand over her heart and through broken English explained to me that she hoped my “momma” would be “OK soon.” My heart was deeply touched again by her kindness and soon a couple other residents sat at the table to help me make cranes for my momma. It was a beautiful and humbling experience… I don’t know that we made 1,000, but we folded for hours and I felt the Lord with me, delicately replacing feelings of sadness with profound gratitude one paper crane at a time. Of course I wish my parents could still make it, but I am far too blessed to be unhappy about it…there really is just too much goodness in my life and I know that the Lord has a purpose behind this change so, really, what do I have to be upset about? Just as fear cannot exist where there is faith, surely unhappiness cannot dwell where there is gratitude.

Oh no, I have been rambling again! I better get off my computer screen—I still have much to do before Jason gets here TONIGHT! There is a huge festival in Sendai this weekend called the Tanabata festival and they are holding an opening ceremony tonight with what I am told will be a marvelous firework display! I know that all will be well and that my mom is under great care but, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d appreciate any prayer on her behalf that you may have time to offer. I sure love my momma and I believe in the power of “paper cranes” in all forms. Thank you!